fu remix

tips for a happy birthday

dibújame sombría y bipolar
dibuja dolor
dibuja espasmo
dibuja el gusto amargo

el vacío

boceta el desencanto
traza lo que corroe mis entrañas
dibuja mi espectro
modela incertidumbre
pinta

la cicatriz
la huella
el recuerdo
el nudo en la garganta
el vientre silencioso

draw me naked

i do not like me

nor you

draw that instead.

ther new alex?

funny games.
[talking to the viewers, breaking the fourth wall]
Paul: What do you think? Think they stand a chance?

coconut

urban myths

Is there such a thing as friends? Does it even exist, beyond the concept? There is people you like and you may see once in a while to share some time, stories, even ideas. Or to laugh and have a beer and hang out once in a while/year. Is that friendship, and if not, what it is? I suppose if I have to ask myself that it is because I do not have any true friends, or I am not a good friend myself, but does anybody, really? Maybe I am just incapable of it, as my test always say //does not play well with others//Still, I wish I did. I wish I were able to go out of the shell. Overall, I think it is selfishness, pure & raw. Mine, of course. I am just not good friend material. I like being alone, I actually crave it once I am in a social situation with people that distress me... //Now I sound autistic// But at the end of the day I do need them. I do feel lonely. Then I start talking to myself, & back, and think too much and never allow myself to do things like I did yesterday, just break the rules, go out and have a beer and laugh and be under the rain and bitch about whatever and talk about how you feel. Nothing happens, the world as it is known does not turn around. Everything was ok and fall in its place after it. But why the fear? What is wrong with me that I do not let myself be happy, or just at least be. Why am I always so stressed out? I am beggining to think I do need friends and laughs and fun and lightness and just get the fuck out of here. But I am much of a scared good little girl who pretends or wish to be bold strong woman. I have fears, and I feel lonely, and I have that sentiment that never in my life has ever let me go: Nobody likes me. This at 32. Another voice within, more quiet & more wise, tells me instead: It is you who do not like anybody, and no the other way around. All else it's a mirror.

o.o

I will keep pondering on this.

surrealismo criollo

Sone que las mexicanas usaban burqa. La burqa era un saco de patatas. De esos amarillos de red.

?

He aqui my take on the matter (como exupery yo no se dibujar, o mas bien solo dibujo mujeres desnudas, asi que cmo el dibujo un elefante dentro deuna boa yo dbujo una mujer desnuda, dentro de un saco de papas):

reiko fix

only on myspace

i very like your picture you are most beatiful and sexy woman I have ever seen and you are very beatiful i want we to become friends make web cam sex my mail blexbey28@hotmail.com

no acepte imitaciones

the office (BBC).

I for one cant stand Steve Carrell ANYWHERE, but I do love Ricky Gervais. Extras is a must...

warning::must have a thing for british humor. also, faux documentary rules.

What's the thing between the dick and the asshole?

I am addicted to Weeds.

My problem is, after a Weeds I and Weeds II marathon on DVD, I need my season three fix like, now.

Gee. Wish I had my own dealer?

boy in a box

I want my martian wish.

David: So what made you think that I would be a good match for a boy who spends most of his time in a box?

The novelette the book is based on, written by David Gerrold, actually won the hugo and nebula awards (1994/95).

Venus

Aw. Lovely movie.

Jessie: [after their fight] Why didn't you tell me you were having an operation?
Maurice: I didn't want to cheer you up.

Ian: Do I look like a fool? Do I?
[pause]
Ian: Answer me!
Maurice: Don't tempt me. I haven't had my tranquilizer yet.

children books wisdom #1

Sí, Polar estaba loco, estaba solo, estaba triste. Y ante los locos, los solos, los tristes, no cabe más que dejarlos a solas con su locura, su soledad su tristeza.

Miguel Buñuel
El niño, la golondrina y el gato
Ed. Doncel

La naturaleza era la vida, y él, sentado en su piedra mientras tomaba café, llegaba a considerarse tan importante, tan grande y tan pequeño a un tiempo, que no podía comprender cómo los hombres se empeñaban en hacinarse en las ciudades, respirando humo y engaños para sobrevivir en una existencia estúpida y absurda.

El arca de Noé
Alfonso Martínez-Mena
Ed. Doncel

penny arcade fix

sweded!

trailer here.

In the best spirit of gondry`s bekindrewind...

I luv quirky movies.

Puzzles & me

I am currently obsessed with this game.

I am stuck with one of the last puzzles, though... And loving Professor Layton british accent failing one and every time.

Ohh! How embarrasing... Frankly... I am ashamed... I suposse I thought wrong...

The War Against Beer Pong

oh, please... I have some suggestions:

alcoholic congestion mezcal edition

sexual tourism south america edition

frying brain crystal edition

terminal illness without medical insurance MX edition

whoops

sergei prokofiev peter and the wolf

Won the oscar for best short animated film.

I am a stop motion whore.

suba

-¡Y el aire oiga?
-En las llantas.

bad poetry

Write rhymes. No, really.

Here is my example:

oh morpheus i love thee
you sting like a bee
i think we all agree
now i am going to pee

now for the follow up:

since the day that i meet you
i thought you were so beau
always go with the flow
and your eyes really glow

now i am writing you this rhyme
not doing so would be a crime
because you are on your prime
and i am running out of time

therefore, beautiful boyfriend
i wish you happy birth day
hope is all laughs and play
for your happiness i pray

so i showed this to my bf (morpheus) who is knee deep cleaning all his electronic toys after the bday party (we took them all out to the backyard to play rockband etc but that is another story), and he wrote the following:

my girlfriend is the best in the >world<

so... aw

seeqpod discover mixtape

SeeqPod - Playable Search

For any complains, see blog summary line.

Up!

Pixar, Miyazake flavored?

Short Circuit

My brothers are having babys. I am having robots.

Del puente a la alameda

Esta va por tí, Vicky...

Sir Mike Mitchell

MM.

Middle Finger Summer Remix 2008

Hmmm. So. I did my first remix yesterday. It is clumsy, but I did it on good will for my bf, who is into Rocky and MJ. Yes, I know... Warning: It would give anyone a headache... =) BTW, I did it with Audacity. Not exactly the best tool, but it did the job. I figure you can do almost everything profesionally, but I know almost zero about the science and art of remixing.

Who says we cannot include the new years song, Ramon Ayala version, on summer?

Anyway, we are giving copys to invitees on his b-day party tomorrow. Yoh, DJ t.

Elephant`s Dream

For the ones who downloaded Big Buck Bunny, here is the download link for Elephants Dream, one of the first open source movies. If no the first?

BTW still stuck with Venus at BK.

3 am y contando

Decía... Resfriado. No fui a Yoga. ¿Resultado? Insomnio. Beautiful Katamari se ha convertido en un duelo a muerte. Mis pulgares y mi cerebro insomne contra el rey del cosmos. Uh. I am no good at this game. Sleep... Must...

ratón de biblioteca

I cant stop reading this book by Khaled Hosseini. It truly is a page turner.

While I am at that, I am also reading some Mutis and a little of another weird spanish book i cant remember the name of, a instancias y como recomendación de lectura de verano de Carlos Sánchez. Intercambiamos. Le presté "El viento se llevará nuestras palabras" de Doris Lessing y "Pelando la cebolla" de Gunter Grass (i have a fixation with german writers).

Speaking of books, they are shockingly expensive, even with the unique price, matching the DF one. Two good books are 500 pesos at Crystal library. Ouch. So much for my Jostein Gaarder cravings. I was looking forward to read something, anything, from him, after Sophias World and the mistery of the solitary (ok, make it a fixation on european authors). I also found this one from anagrama editorial amusing. What?! It is on its 21th edition! =)

Hell, I`ll get them next time i hit downtown...

In other news I have a fucking cold. :*/ from hell :( today, so hard I even missed yoga. :S How the fuck am i supposed to do the crow this way?

Nicola Piovani - Buongiorno principessa, La vita è bella

Foutaises Jean-Pierre Jeunet (eng sub)

Tim Burton's Vincent

The System of Dr. Tarr and Profr. Fether.

Ahhh. Some good ol Poe.

Big Buck Bunny.

Open Source movies, baby. Long life to Blender.

calzones almidonados

I guess here are some signs of life. I just got back from a class of tai-chi at the Madero Park. Yes, you heard well. Exactly in front of the children park. About 30 fine ladies were there doing their thing and I swear I tried, but coordination is not my biggest feature. Before the class started, they were talking about how they put almidon on their husbands briefs....

telekinetic

To dream that you are telekinetic, represents a higher level of awareness and consciousness. You are not utilizing your full potential and need to start putting your stored energy levels and mental abilities to use. In other words, your dream may imply that you need to put your thoughts into action. For some, dreams of telekinetic powers may indicate your latent paranormal abilities.

Web Sudoku

Challenge me!

aw. I adore children books.

I enjoyed the kinky performance. Even though I was surrounded by teenagers, emos, punks, wannabes or whatever they were or think they were, because actually they probably were not. Oh, and the cool people.

Does that mean I am becoming something I am not?

Do yoga sessions at down in the sand and hugs by strange people dressed in white by the sea, soften you?

Was it the waves I listened to all night before getting up at 5 AM? Maybe it was that I was just too tired.

It was free as in beer.

I even jumped/

It is like my heart felt... lighter? Like, Maxima FM lighter. Like sex in the morning lighter.

I dont know.

Maybe it is that I am just having good digestion. As Woody Allen would say, that is exciting.

I would bet on post traumatic shock.

neo amish

I am not getting the Amazon kindle because I love books. And they can recycle ok?

I am still using my SonyEricsson Z600 because it works just fine and will keep it until the end.

I do not want an iphone. Anyway my bf got me an ipod touch already. Not that I need it. I am currently listening to my tapes, as in, analogic. I have a great collection I hardly ever listened enough the last 15 years/yay for reruns

I do not own a plasma or even LCD TV. I have a 21 inch flat screen CRT Sony and I love it. I will use it until it dies.

I do not have a cable, satellite or Internet suscription.

I am Talya Aluveaux, and I am a neoamish. *who uses her signature Second Life name to order pizza*

Today is Yoga at the beach day. I am all excited and about to go get my first yoga mat. It was about time. I just didnt think I deserved it because I never stick to anything. This time it looks like I do. To a class. That is something. We even rented a house and plan to do our thing at the sunset, and also when the sun rises. I guess it is gonna be fun. I dont really know anybody... But I crave the beach. The last time I went to Kino in group was, like, in college. So, cool.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.

Veredict: Beautiful, but utterly depressing. Still, powerful...Good. Worth watching. My advice is do not watch it by yourself.

Ayer ví "La Bestia Acorralada", de Alberto Mariscal, sin más background que se trata de una de las cintas de la colección de grandes directores mexicanos de los 70 y la sinopsis que venía en la contraportada. Algo más o menos así:

UN CALLADO Y RIGIDO INDUSTRIAL HOLANDES RESULTA SER UN CRIMINAL NAZI QUE RESIDE EN MEXICO, DONDE HA EDIFICADO UNA FELIZ VIDA Y UNA ENVIDIABLE FAMILIA, PERSEGUIDO POR LOS SERVICIOS SECRETOS ISRALELIES INTENTARA HUIR, INTENTANDO A TODA COSTA PERMANECER LIBRE

Costaba 50 pesos en el VH Satélite, y yo no tenía nada mejor que hacer. Qué más da. La compré, junto con Julieta de los Espíritus y el concierto de Quiet Riot (Live in Japan), todo al mismo precio. Es una de mis reglas. Prácticamente nunca compro ninguna película que cueste más de 50 pesos. Ni siquiera Pulp Fiction se salvó.

En los extras de la película venía la filmografía de Mariscal (el protagonista es Gabriel Retes), y que me topo con esto:

1974 La ley del monte
1974 La bestia acorralada
1974 Kalimán en el siniestro mundo de Humanón.

OMG.
OMG?

BTW. Ever tried the hobbit name generator? I am Primula Peatfingers of Brockenborings. Jeez...

Brutal Legend Trailer Debut

HISTORIA DE UN LETRERO (THE STORY OF A SIGN)

I cannot even say how ambivalent I am about this short. What, now the yuppies save the world?? Break me a fucking give. NFB? Cannes? Eduardo Verastegui? Stop the madness! It was... embarrasing. Anyway, the tango is the same used by Tornatore in Il Postino... There it was beautiful. It was salty breeze. Here, it was... splenda. Mpfh... I guess no more Fellini for me?

Little Nemo (1911) - J Stuart Blackton Winsor McCay

Insectos metálicos

Todo estaba fríamente calculado. Primero pilates y luego yoga. Cuando cumpliera un mes. Ya lo cumplí, lo que significa que hoy estuve en una clase en que había algunas cabezas completamente canas, seguramente con mejor condición física que yo. Al frente, incienso y música relajante que no lograba opacar lo estridente del kickboxing de al lado. Bueno, habia que concentrarse como fuera, y allá voy, con las palmas juntas a donde dijera el maestro. Que me tome el dedo gordo del pie mientras estiro la pierna primero al frente y luego a la derecha mientras me sostengo con un precario equilibrio, seguro. Que suba aqui, que baje allá, que me contorsione. OK. Pude hacer casi todo menos lo de pararme de cabeza. Supongo que el pilates ayudo a que no llegara tan verde. Una cosa si se. De pilates salgo como araña fumigada y de yoga sali feliz, toda relajada y con mucha mas energia de la que habia traido las ultimas semanas. Y la gente de yoga es mas amigable. Ya hasta me invitaron a una sesion en kino para hacer yoga al amanecer la próxima semana. Ommmh... Hasta pensaron que ya habia hecho yoga antes. Viendolo bien, esta clase podria tener excelentes consecuencias kamasutricas. Ow.Just sayin.

Cómo quitar el pop corn del techo

No van a creer lo bajo que he caído. Bueno, sí lo creerán. Hoy cumplo un mes de ir sin falta (o casi) al gimnasio, concretamente a la clase de Pilates. Me inscribí en el horario de las 07:30 a las 8:30 de la mañana. Considerando que no tengo nada que hacer el resto del día, ya me dirán como me va con el masoquismo. La hora de Pilates es un infierno y cada ejercicio es peor que el otro o como dice una de las compañeras de clase: "Me tiemblan hasta las pestañas". Lo he pasado como he podido, con parches de Voltaren en lugares insospechados, pastillas de naproxeno sódico, muchas vitaminas y mucha agua. El resto del día lo dedico a leer, ver películas, cocinar, escuchar música y pensar (horror! no hace nada productivo!). Sòlo hay unas pocas reglas: Llamar a mi mamá una vez al día, no faltar a la clase de pilates y comer bien. Lo mejor posible. En realidad no he hecho grandes progresos, pero me siento un poco mejor. Un poco solamente. Hoy me dirigía a una tienda de pisos y a medio camino comencé a llorar incontrolablemente. Primero los dos lagrimones y luego el llanto convulsivo y en silencio, mientras atravesaba el Luis Encinas. No, todavía no estoy bien. Aunque esto es típico de mí. La lloradera. En fin. Lo que les decía que no me van a creer es que hoy voy a ir a la lucha libre. Es en serio, ya tengo mis boletos VIP y todo. Me los compró mi novio y me pidió que yo los guardara. Yo jamás hubiera pagado 600 pesos por ir a la lucha libre, pero él me los compró sin pensarlo. Supongo que no quiere verme triste. Yo sólo he dicho que me gusta el Místico. Y sí me gusta. Digo, lo poco que he visto. Es tan folklóricamente acrobático. Tan kitsch. Tan Santo y Blue Demon. Un amigo dice que es una copia del Rey Misterio. Yo que sé. Sólo sé que hoy a las 7:30 pm voy a estar sentada en segunda fila (ya no habia boletos para la primera) en el expo forum hipnotizada ante un cuadrilatero y un montón de tipos con máscaras y disfraces exóticos haciendo piruetas y probablemente bebiendome un vaso de cerveza. No voy a preguntarme qué estoy haciendo allí. Será mi primer experiencia con la lucha libre aparte de un que otro zapping en la TV, o las estampitas que vendían en la cooperativa cuando estaba en la Club de Leones. Supongo que, ante el trauma, todo se vale. Un excompañero del periòdico y ganador del premio nacional del periodismo, cuando dejo de trabajar, se lanzó al ring. ¿O qué, no han escuchado del famoso Dazaev?? :)

Ponyo of the Cliff

Back in 2004, I saw a japanese movie called "In the mood for love". Later, I have no idea how, I found that a sequel would be done. It iwas gonna be called 2046, and be released the same year (2004).

I found that movie last tuesday (four years later), and I finally saw it. It was somehow of a mess going back and forth to the past (50´s or so) and some distant future. It was about androids, lost of love and a sci-fi story. But mostly lost of love. Or how circunstances have a lot to do with it. At least I tought so. I dont think I really understood the movie anyway.

Lo bueno es que wikipedia con su magnífico reduccionismo explica en pocas palabras lo que a mi me dejó perpleja mientras trataba de adivinar quien era quien (siempre me pasa con las orientales) y me lleva de la mano al link oficial. Well, you know. Context is everything.

Since I have so much time in my hands (and are selfish enough not to give it to anyone else), I also saw the sci-fi channel take on the Wizard of Oz, called "Tinman". It is good. Too bad I do not have the sci fi channel.

So... The other movie of the selection (threee total, 45 pesos) was The Jane Austen BookClub. Ok, I have to admit I like some of Austin works, but I only am familiar with them because of movies or TV series (like the british Pride and Prejudice) or the Ang Lee Sense and Sensibility. Heck, I even watched "Becoming Jane". What can I say, I am a hopeless romantic. So the movie is good, but you have to be familiar with at least some of the books, otherwise I do not think it is going to be that entertaining.

While I am talking to myself here I am going to add that I did went to the (coincidence?) Mago de Oz concert here in Hermosillo, with the cheap ticket, of course, if you can call 300 cheap. A good amount of the misfits hermosillenses were there (I was there, right?), all with their black shirts and glasses of Corona. I didnt care enough to pay more, so I enjoyed the concert at a fair distance (safe from all the crazy slammers, I thought, but no, and I inhaled a lot of cannabis for sure) and tried to "be present" instead of hunting haunting thoughts and collecting them in my butterfly net so they can bite me (yeah, it is a wicked net).

Al final tocaron Fiesta Pagana, pero mi favorita es Molinos de Viento. Y ahora descubri que me gusta Locos de Atar.

Whatever. It was OK and it made me leave the house. I didnt even knew half of the songs. So fine. More than fine, except I couldnt get up today to my pilates class. Dammit. Hard being the wicked witch of the west.

Corona ☆ Baby Baby

Oh 1995

Vitalic:

Life of Pi.

The book is going to be a movie most likely to not suck (directed by Jean Pierre Jeunet) in 2009.

manga university

Transmetropolitan. Issue no.1. PDF version. Warren Ellis. DC Comics.

What would I do without EAC?

Persépolis.
Farewell OLPC.

5 centimeters per second

World of Goo
I am a Cyborg
In Bruges
X saves the world

Calvin & Hobbes. La colección completa escaneada. Thank you Marcello....

Pitchfork TV. Indie snobs only...

Webby nominees 2008.

1UP cupcakes.

Master Chief Sucks at Halo 3

Keynote - Bill Gates' Last Day - January 6, 2008

:)

Free Hugs Campaign @ HMO

I give the best ones in the world, but I am diabolically selective :)

No sé por qué razón, pero la verdad es que no puedo confiar en nadie que tenga mala ortografía o escriba de manera descuidada aunque sea deliberadamente. Me disgusta. Me repele. Ew. Soy una snob.

*

Se busca mucama para limpiar casa una vez a la semana. Es hora de que no encuento esposa sufrida que me haga el queacer asi que mi casa parece un basurero. Yo de plano no naci para lavar trastes, barrer, trapear, aspirar, tender camas ni nada de eso. Lo mas que puedo hacer es depurar de vez en cuando. Muy de vez en cuando.

*

He regresado de las fiestas decembrinas como una especie de ballena josefina, y ahora me debato en mi escritorio sobre las medidas correctivas a tomar. Comer menos. Hacer más ejercicio. Me lleva el demonio. Comer mejor. Fuck. It.

*

Estoy muy preocupada por mi padre y por mi abuela. Yo diría que más bien estoy asustada. De esas cosas en las que uno se la lleva pensando y luego trata de distraerse para volver otra vez a lo mismo, mientras el corazon late con fuerza. Yo no rezo, pero quisiera rezar. Y entonces mejor no hablo, y a veces lloro. Hay que tener paciencia. Hay que ser fuerte. El optimismo es una estupidez. Hay que ser realista. Hay que ser práctico. Ven. Por eso mejor guardo silencio.

*

Ya casi te olvido. Es más, a veces ni siquiera me acuerdo de ti. Bueno. Eso es una mentira por que todos los días pienso en tí aunque sea un ratito. Aunque sea como recordatorio de que existes, de que exististe y de que soy porque fuiste y que por algo pasan las cosas y que yo no era para ti y que tu no eras para mi y mira ya tienes dos hijos y eres feliz y yo jamas voy a poder comprometerme con nadie tal vez jamás me case o tenga un hijo o haga nada que valga la pena pero de un modo u otro creo que he vuelto a sentir amor cariño algo parecido y me siento bien pero de todos modos me siento rara y me acuerdo de ti, siempre vuelvo a acordarme de ti yo creo que olvidar es un arte imaginario pero al menos ya no me duele tanto ya no me duele me duele poco tal vez la mejor palabra es resignacion pero no lo es la verdad es que no hay palabra para eso que siento cuando me acuerdo de ti. A lo mejor en alemán.

Ajá.

Ni modo.

I miss neonightmare, but neonightmare does not misses me, still.

I wish

dreams of betrayal*

talk to the picture

It´s good to be back. =)

playtime*

The diagnostic was "anxiety disorder" and "depression". I had a long long talk with the Dr. , and after an exhaustive review and examination (he has been my dr like, forever, even though I only go once or twice a year) so he has my files, and knows a bit about what´s going on. Anyway, he said all my symptoms (a whole bunch of them i´ve carrying on for months, some for years) are the result of a strong anxiety disorder. Then he went on explaining that not taking care of it was being now manifesting in a physical form (lots, lots of expressions in physical form, so much that I finally HAD to go with the doctor) ... So anyway he was ver upfront about the meds he suggested I should take for that. It was controled medicine, only sold by recipe, and a strong one, but I should feel fine in one day (aka most of the symptoms would go away). I was like, seriously, wouldnt it be better to give something for my acid, the back pain, the insomnia, the .... He said they were all manifestations of the anxiety, and that I had a nervous breakdown, as in my nervous system had somehow collapsed, so the roots of it needed to be taken care of. Whew. Ok. Whatever. Give my anything that will kill this pain I´m feeling now and I will be devotee of you for the rest of my life. He did prescribed this drug I´m saying, only for a month. I´m not supposed to take it for more than a month, he said. Besides I had to take antidepressants daily. I´ve struggling all my life with not taking antidepressant because... because... maybe I liked to be depressed all the time. It was me, after all, bipolary me. So anyway I was so sore and determined to end with this garbage that I went to the pharmacy, get everything I was supossed to get. Go home, take of all my clothes (one of my favorte moments of the day), turn of the AC and watched the pills, still undecided. So if I take them tomorrow I´m gonna be okay? Sounds too good to be true. What the hell is it anyway? I didnt wanted to know. Around 12:30 I did take one. And watched an episode of desperate housewives. Who would have guessed? I started feeling to sleep like before the episode was finished. I have to clarify. Usually lately I stay up way way way longer, and in pain, to worsen it.

SO

I slept like, so well as I had not in months. Better than ever, I think. Whew. Usually I have either my back neck muscles so sore I can´t even move, or the lower back, or the upper back, or my head is killing me, or my stomach is upset, or I feel like a pregnant woman. But not this night. This night I rested. Awesome.

In the morning I took half the same pill. That was the dhosis on the recipe. And the one for depression. Happily, with a big glass of water. Then I took an apple and left home to work.

I guess it´s not my fault if my brain do not produce enough of those substances to be well. It´s all chemical. Love is. Everything is. So now I think the same things, I worry about the same things, but I´m not drawn to sadness. I walked this morning not in the Dante´s hell I usually live in, but in another state. Sedated? I dont know. All i know is i do not have any of the pains I had yesterday, or the last week, the last month and to be fair, the last years. Those pills are freaking effective.

Am I going to become an addict? I think not.

I recall I didnt had a dream. And I always have them. Big dreams, nightmares and dramas. I rememeber mostly all.

So maybe this is it. I will just not have any dreams anymore. Hm.

As I walked I saw a box in the side of the street. It said, clearly: "Careful. Very Careful".

soul tonic*

Guys. I would like to thank you for being asking how I am. I´m fine. Actually, I´m almost ready to go to my appointment with the doctor. Let´s see how it goes. I´m not gonna miss this one. Maybe I have cancer, and then I will not have to find a young friend who has it to overcome my problems. Kidding. Off.

Well now. I'm alive and I´m ok. Technically speaking. I am breathing and walking, sometimes smiling, and sometimes crying. Like now.

This is for the ones wondering.

During this time I went to the sea. I played with the waves, let the sun burn my skin and the wind play with my hair. It was a perfect summer day, near to the sunset. I felt the kind of joy that you can only feel when your heart is broken, and you have finally understood it´s going to stay that way until your death.

I went to the mountains, too. Under the clear sky, the moon and the most brilliant stars I have ever seen I climbed, looking for nothing. What I was looking for I found it long time ago, but it is lost now. Only God knows why and where. If there is one.

I had to keep walking. I will, for a while.

I feel so sad I haven´t even been able to write here lately. I am not done with sadness yet, but I feel like I need to write something that is not the interview with the guys from Kaspersky or Intel Education.

Today I want to write about me. To be honest, I believe the source of my sadness has its roots in the fact that I truly believe I am a complete failure. And no, I did not come to that conclusion expecting that people do the usual head pet and say how much I have accomplished. Which is pretty much nothing. I believe I am a failure in many ways, and here is why.

First of all, my love relationships have failed. For one or another obscure reasons that I will never completly understand. I remember I wanted to have kids. That is not the case anymore. Failure number 2.

I have been doing the same thing for over 9 years now, in a not very bright way, with not very good pay and with little recognition, perhaps the reason is that I am not very smart. Failure number 3.

Here there is, I think, one of the most important reasons of distress: I do believe I am smart. Maybe that is exactly why I feel like a total failure.

Failure number 4: I have not started a higher education, and it is not because I am not bright enough not because money issues -I know I could get a scholarship-. It is because of inercy. Or fear. I simply do not do what is necessary to do to get in. I think we all will agree that is far worst. Far, far worst.

The cherry on top are my family relations. They are screwed. I hardly ever see anyone. I just get locked in my sad little world, flying here in there, interviewing this and that, writing stuff, being under pression and stressed all the time. I do love them. I love my father. I love my mother. I feel particularly close to some in my family, but I just do not have the strenght to build a strong bond. I have become emotionally distant to almost all of them. Failure number 5.

Failure number 6: I have no friends. I am not sure if I want them. I am not able to keep them. I just can´t deal with them.

In short, I am not what I was supossed to be. What I wanted, and I cannot blame anyone but me.

Now I am sitting at my desk alone in the office, with a bottle of bonafont in front of me and a terrible pain -i just dont know what the fuck is wrong with me- in my stomach, pretty much the rule lately, but I do not go with the doctor, I do not have any studies done. I guess I simply do not care and hope everything is over soon.

That is why I say I am a coward.

That is why I understand why I am alone.

I am not capable of love. Not anymore. I am capable of a pathetic imitation of it. I lost it somewhere. It ended up being too scary, I guess. I lost myself too. I dont really know who I am anymore. I am nothing but a brain not very well used. Sometimes it is too painful.

So there. At least i made an entry.

Janurary 23, 2003 "Looks... Gooood"

Scott: Are you sure it's healthy to stare at the computer screen like that?

Ethan: Are my eyes bleeding?

Scott: No

Ethan: Am i drowning in my own drool?

Scott: No

Ethan: I'll be fine.

From CtrlaltDel.

iPhone Shake. No, really.

Museum of Broken Relationships.

*Peeling the onion

Creo que cualquiera que haya visto la película "El tambor de Hojalata" o haya tenido la suerte de leer el libro de Gunter Grass sentirá curiosidad por "Peeling the Onion", la autobiografía que acaba de publicar.

John Irving le dedica una crítica de cuatro páginas en el New York Times, y dejando de lado los protagonismos de Irving, vale la pena leerla, al menos para los que no estamos muy bien informados sobre lo que pasó con este libro en Alemania.

Por lo visto, revela la participación de Grass en la SS cuando tenía 17 años, en la Alemania nazi. La invasión de Polonia ocurrió cuando apenas era un niño.

Es una buena crítica, y el libro debe ser muy bueno también. Siempre, siempre hay mucho más de lo aparente, y como siempre, lo más importante es lo que no se dice. Lástima que no se leer en alemán. Esperemos que haya una buena traducción al español.

Here is to Gunter, whose first book is one of my favorites, even thought I haven´t read it yet. The movie itself was more than good. I have some scenes burned in my mind. Still. I´m hoping for the last to come to my hands soon.

What is it with me and german writers? :*) Quizá me identifico más con los alemanes y su complejo colectivo de culpabilidad mucho más que con los mexicanos y su complejo de inferioridad.

Maybe. Or maybe not.

whooops.

Pretty self-explanatory. It´s called Folderix, from Art Lebedev Studio.

Lo que nos faltaba. Manteles de fibra óptica.

Just back from a quick trip. Details to follow later.

It looks, like, superawesome!

ouch. it hurts.

The secret diary of Steve Jobs. AKA Fake Steve.

I am a sucker for french movies. What can I say?

02:25 p.m. 05/06/2007

RESUMEN: Apple actualizó las MacBook Pro con la plataforma Santa Rosa (hay que perderle el amor a 2-2.8K); Toshiba liberará varias laptops con el formato HD-DVD; Bajan los costos del Blu-Ray, se rumora que la PS3 tendrá un price-drop; Lala.com podría formar parte de iTunes; Aumenta la expectación por el lanzamiento del iPhone el 29 de junio (developers gone wild); NPD Group reporta que los niños están adoptando electrónica de consumo a una edad cada vez menor (duuh); HTC debuta con copia del iPhone, sólo que con Windows Mobile; El CEO de Xandros defiende a Microsoft y dice que su acuerdo con the devil le permtirá aumentar las tasas de adopción de Linux; McAfee lanza SiteAdvisor; Six Apart libera Movable Type 4 Beta; Pac-Man con nuevo look en Xbox Live; Wii le gana a la PS3 en Japón 5 a 1. Ouch; En Computex Intel habla de chips fabricados con el proceso de 45 nm, mientras que Asustek proyecta la fabricación de una notebook de 199 dólares; Microsoft planea "Ignition", una plataforma que unificaría MSN, Xbox y Zune; BlizzCon arranca el 3 de agosto; Via libera la Nanobook; Microsoft actualiza Live Meeting.

Go Away, I´m Busy.