I really would want to write something happy once in a while. Alas, I can´t, for everything on my life right now seems to have a large amount of distress.
I myself would not read this stupid blog. But lets let him serve for the purpose it was created. Catharsis. I am in the same stage I was when I started it. Not a bit forward, but maybe quite backwards.
I really wish I had a day without tears. Those fucking tears. And that fucking pain in the heart. It seems like I am going to die. Like if death, or him stopping beating is just seconds away. But no. It keeps on and on. So do the tears. Warm and big drops that fell into my pillow. And it is hard to breathe. I was just thinking today, that I cannot bear other day like this anymore. It is pointless. Next time, I will shoot myself.
It was some kind of resolution, and agreement with my mind that strangely made me feel better. I have certain power over the pain, because I can end it. He would have won, certainly, but who longer cares.
See, I am listening to them. They fell heavy and dissapear on the pillow like rain in the thirsty sand of the desert.
I cannot blame those guys who commit suicide in group. I always pointed at it as the biggest stupidity. And perhaps it is. But I cannot blame them.
Oh. And the subject of this post. Denial. It is not life to live like this.
It doesnt make any sense.
1 comment:
Have you considered how you will adapt to life when you are happy someday? Or, are you the type that cannot live without distress? Does the difficult path seem the only way to go? Some minds desire distress, it triggers the juices that follow a physical wound. The delicious relief from the burning sting of life.
Post a Comment