May 29, 2006

This has been a difficult day. The only thing I am going to say is that, if guided for my behavior today, the only things I find comfort on being in the state I am in are the following:

a. sleep. a lot.
b. call mother, be a b*tch with her, ask why the hell dad never calls, ask her how to make something specific she cooks, have her tell me all the recipe, step by step. my grandmother.
d. come spend time with my two cousins.
e. sit and watch "the wonderful years"
f. complain about tv advertising and quit watching
g. eat one snicker. make that two.
h. drink as much coke with ice i am allowed to, or have strength to go get downstairs.
i. write a small and dumb sms. (wait, no, that`s not confort at all)
j. research and write an article when i finally want to/have the strenght to.
k. refuse. resist. talk to no one online. or almost. quite. family not included.
l. talk about videogames and movies with one of the few members of my family as fucking outsider/geek/nerd/dork as me.
ll. call designer to desk, be (again) a *itch, and say only. "Two things. I want this redesigned for next monday. And this is the subject you should be working on starting, like, now. Ok thats all."

I have not cried, not smiled, and after a heavy doses of paracetamol, the headache that started at 11 am still remains.

Am I on my way to become a robot?


answering myself, no, no i am not. I did cried like crazy already. those were dry tears, thought. my eyes are sore and dry. too dry.

m.curse my life
ñ.want to shoot myself head is killing me
o.absence feels like death
p.i realize. i realize it...

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